hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Randomize
