Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We have so much sex to catch up on
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
