you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
