piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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