it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I skipped work to stalk him.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
