why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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