When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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