I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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