I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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