I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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