he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
