God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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