You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize