Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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