it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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