Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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