Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
