Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
