Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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