I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
