I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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