I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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