Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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