theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
