I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize