the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
