I need to stop coming to work sober
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
