I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
