Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
