so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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