Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
