Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
