At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
