She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
