It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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