"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
