so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
