she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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