never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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