I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
