I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
