Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
