so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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