I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
im holly from the hills drunk
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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