A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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