I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
