Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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