I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
organizing the empties. That sober.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
