I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
