The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize