we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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