So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
home. puking in laundry basket.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
