Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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