Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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