my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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