no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
