Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize