I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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