Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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