only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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