My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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