i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
