well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
