a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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