just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's shark week go big or go home
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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