don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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