why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
