Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
